About DCD

We all make plans. I make plans. I had the next ten years of my life worked out. It seems, however, that God is taking me on a slightly different journey than I would ever have expected. So this blog is not about my dreams, but it is about the milestone moments that work together to shape me into the person God has called me to be. Join me on this Journey.

Sunday 13 December 2015

And He Carried Me...

     The week has been long.
     I am tired.
     Energy is a word that has become foreign to me.

     Things have been hectic. I cannot remember the last time I was so busy, consistently busy. The truth is, it seriously affected me. I crashed. I broke down. I lost all self-confidence. I even built up an imaginary wall to separate me from those who are closest to me. I was too scared of hurting them, of becoming the girl I used to be, rather than continuing to grow as the woman I now know I am.

     I like to refer to my past as my "widowhood." It is a time where I was without God, without a protector, and I lived a life of selfish independence, hurting those who loved me, and embracing those who despised me. I abandoned God. And He patiently waited. It was a time of deep depression and loneliness, a time of isolation and discouragement. After the last three weeks I feared that I would fall into that again, that I would once again abandon my loved ones and live in separated widowhood. 

     But I didn't.

     I didn't go back to my old ways, because my past is truly behind me. I didn't do this though. I didn't have the strength to fight against the principalities and powers working to cause me to stumble. I didn't win the battle.

     God did...for me.

     In the past I ignored the gentle nature of God. I didn't see Him as kind. I didn't see Him as love. I chose to see Him as a ruling king and an executer of justice. Today He reminded me of His mercy, which has washed me clean of my past. Today, He became not just my king, but my shepherd.

     My favourite chapter in the Bible is Isaiah 55. My first point of call was to go read it again. It always brings me a degree of comfort. Today, however, I felt a little nudge pushing me back one chapter - Isaiah 54. What God had to say through these words brought healing I forgot existed.

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called." - Isaiah 54:4-5 (NRSV)

     God is my Redeemer. I do not have to fear because He has promised to hold me for eternity, to guide me and teach me His ways. He provides for me, protects me, covers me. That doesn't mean I don't get tired because one thing I know for sure is what it is to be without energy to do anything. But it means that God carries me, and in these verses He reminds me that I am never, ever alone.

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