And He Carried Me...

     The week has been long.

     I am tired.

     Energy is a word that has become foreign to me.

     Things have been hectic. I cannot remember the last time I was so busy, consistently busy. The truth is, it seriously affected me. I crashed. I broke down. I lost all self-confidence. I even built up an imaginary wall to separate me from those who are closest to me. I was too scared of hurting them, of becoming the girl I used to be, rather than continuing to grow as the woman I now know I am.

     I like to refer to my past as my "widowhood." It is a time where I was without God, without a protector, and I lived a life of selfish independence, hurting those who loved me, and embracing those who despised me. I abandoned God. And He patiently waited. It was a time of deep depression and loneliness, a time of isolation and discouragement. After the last three weeks I feared that I would fall into that again, that I would once again abandon my loved ones and live in separated widowhood. 

     But I didn't.

     I didn't go back to my old ways, because my past is truly behind me. I didn't do this though. I didn't have the strength to fight against the principalities and powers working to cause me to stumble. I didn't win the battle.

     God did...for me.

     In the past I ignored the gentle nature of God. I didn't see Him as kind. I didn't see Him as love. I chose to see Him as a ruling king and an executer of justice. Today He reminded me of His mercy, which has washed me clean of my past. Today, He became not just my king, but my shepherd.

     My favourite chapter in the Bible is Isaiah 55. My first point of call was to go read it again. It always brings me a degree of comfort. Today, however, I felt a little nudge pushing me back one chapter - Isaiah 54. What God had to say through these words brought healing I forgot existed.

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called." - Isaiah 54:4-5 (NRSV)

     God is my Redeemer. I do not have to fear because He has promised to hold me for eternity, to guide me and teach me His ways. He provides for me, protects me, covers me. That doesn't mean I don't get tired because one thing I know for sure is what it is to be without energy to do anything. But it means that God carries me, and in these verses He reminds me that I am never, ever alone.

Purity Hurts

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Psalm 51:10-11

     Right now you will be seeing many "Happy New Year" blog entries with resolutions and encouragement and optimism for the year to come. I suppose in a way this is one of those. I recently heard a pastor say that we all begin a new year by looking backward for wisdom, and forward in hope for our future. There is something exciting about a fresh start with new goals and new aspirations. Many times, if you are a follower of Christ, we use this time to commit to a more diligent effort in reading the Word of God or spending time in prayer, or telling people about our faith. These are all good goals to have. Yet somehow, the vast majority of us reach the middle of the year and look back at the past six months, and then we feel shattered because we started strong, yet we are at that moment perhaps the furthest from God that we feel we have ever been. Can you relate to that hopeless feeling?

     I'm going to throw an idea out there. I believe the reason we end up at this hopeless point is because we started without taking care of our hearts first. It is so easy to make big plans to advance our Faith, yet we often forget to do the simplest thing - and that is to ask God to purify our hearts. 

     How many times have we quoted Psalm 51, and yet our words are empty? How often do we really ask God to cleanse our hearts? To truly make us pure and holy, blameless before Him? I think the big problem is that we know the consequence of asking such a thing. We know that when we ask God to create in us clean hearts, He is faithful to do just that, and that means knocking down our pride, refining us, melting us, shaping us, dredging up all the ugliness of our human disposition and cutting it away. Psalm 51 even addresses this: "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice." The cleansing hurts. It crushes us, grinds us down, it lays our pride shamelessly on the ground and we are renewed, our spirits are made right before God. 

     Now I would propose a question. Are you willing to go through that cleansing, that painful but freeing process where God Himself purges our iniquities from within us?

     My prayer this year is that God would purify my heart, and that that would overflow into my daily interactions with people. Once again in Psalm 51 it says: "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You." This is not something I can do. It is only by God's grace and might that my heart will be cleansed, and even then He will continue to uphold me and speak through me to those who are unaware of His incredible mercy. Would you join with me, brothers and sisters, and ask our Heavenly Father to purify our hearts, to purge us of our transgressions so that we are not tempted to walk this walk in our own strength? It is only by God's unending power that we can make it through our earthly journey before we meet with Him in our true home.

"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin."

Psalm 51:1-2

One Man

     Can you hear the sound of your people celebrating? They are dancing, laughing, toasting to victory. You have won! Jericho has fallen, and a huge obstacle is now obsolete. Your people can walk freely in the land promised to them.

     Can you feel your chest swell with joy? God has saved you.

     High on the sense of victory, you send some scouts to check out the next city, a small city called Ai. It is not long before they return. They tell you that the village is small, and you don't need to send too many men to conquer it. Only a few thousand. After all, God is on your side!

     Later, you stare, shocked. You are defeated. Ai remains, and some of your men have died. Men with families...wives, children. Men with futures, only just stepping foot into the Promised Land. 

     You beg God, Abba Father, "why?"

     When you begin to read the story of Ai in Joshua 7 you may be left bewildered, confused. Why would God allow you to be defeated by a small city? Why after He has just led you to conquer Jericho, a fortified city? When you carry on reading, the answer is revealed. 

     One man.

     One man disobeyed God, and plundered an "accursed item." 

     It only took one man to cause that destruction. One man's disobedience.

God says: "There is an accursed thing in your midst, O Israel; you cannot stand before your enemies until you take away the accursed thing from among you." - Joshua 7:13

     Unfortunately this is all too common. We allow a little bit of leaven, a little bit of sin into our lives, our camp so to speak. We try to justify it or to cover it up. That one little thing hinders us. It separates us from God. We know about it, but we do not address it. And before we know it, our army is broken and defeated. Our camp divided. Our lives desolate. 

     

     My friends, I cannot urge you enough. If we do not repent, we endanger not only ourselves but the people we love, the people we share life with. Spiritually, emotionally, even physically they are in danger. What fruit will come from our work if we do not take on Jesus' yoke, abandoning our past? We must know that we are sinners, and that we are sanctified and justified by Jesus. But if we use His grace as a cheap cover up for our sins, an excuse to carry on sinning, we slap His beautiful face. We take what He freely gives without offering anything to Him.

     

     Take the battle at Ai. Think about it, and apply it in your own life. Are you hiding things, trying to justify your sins? Or are you truly free? 

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus - Please Watch

When Temptation Knocks

"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." - James 1:12

That voice again. Can you hear it? Just behind you, in your right ear. You feel your stomach clench, and your heart begin to pound. Your fingers quiver.

You have a choice.

Turn the computer off, or keep looking.

Answer the question honestly, or make up a story.

Pull away from her, or deepen the embrace.

Walk away, or left hook him.

There are so many forms of temptation. Usually it starts quietly, a little knock on the door. A few days later, it becomes more insistent. A few weeks go by, and the pounding is so powerful, you cannot lock the door. It is the voice that gently drags us away, and then it intensifies until a day does not go by without the perilous screech of that enticement, drowning out all common sense and hope for freedom.

Temptation becomes addiction; addiction becomes enslavement, and you are impossibly bound to it. You become lost, apathetic, and you blindly cling to the thing that enslaves you. Finally Satan drives a wedge between you and the One who loves you more than anything - Jesus.

The year 2012 was one of the worst and best years of my life. I began the year hopeful for a future, excited about life, and full of wonder at the world around me.

Then temptation knocked.

It started quietly, and I became curious. The knocking became louder over the weeks until I finally gave in. At first it was all very thrilling, exciting. But then I began to descend, spiralling down faster and faster. It was a mere three months until I found myself in the depths of despair, wondering what had become of my life, what had become of me. I couldn't recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. I was a enslaved, chained, and locked in a prison cell without any light or hope.

Broken I came to the foot of the Cross - the ultimate symbol of complete love and sacrifice.

Jesus began to transform me. He freed me from my chains, and brought me out of the darkness I had lived in. His love overwhelmed me, and I chose to follow Him no matter the cost.

That would be a nice way to end this 'blog post. I would love to tell you that I have been free of temptation since. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

For about a year I found myself bathed in God's peace, living released of my chains. I smiled, glowed and served Him with a passion I had never known before. The door to temptation was locked.

The thing about temptation is, even when the door is locked, it will come wandering by again and attempt a light knock, just testing the waters. It might not seem like much, but that light knock can capture one's attention in a heartbeat.

It captured mine.

And so the struggle against temptation began again.

"But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." - James 1:14-15

I was so close to reaching an emotional death. I felt alone, unworthy, lacking, broken. I thought I had beat my temptation, and then it reared its ugly head again.

But Jesus.

That is the beauty of knowing our Lord Jesus Christ. Even in the darkest times, He does not abandon us.

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." - Deuteronomy 31:6

God is with us, even when we are tempted, and He will not allow us to be tempted beyond our capacity to resist.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

At this point it is important to note that when you are enslaved by your temptation, you are giving it power in your life and therefore it becomes an idol. It is so important to flee from idolatry ("Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry" - 1 Corinthians 10:14) because idolatry separates us from our heavenly Father. It becomes a wedge driven between us and our Creator.

Temptation comes directly from Satan, whose goal is to break the relationship that God has with us. One of his greatest tools of deception is temptation, and we know this because God does not tempt any man ("Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man." - James 1:13)

But "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variableness or shadow of turning." - James 1:17

This is exciting, because if all good things come from God, then freedom from our slavery comes from God. When we believe on Jesus and take hold of His promises; when we resist temptation and bury ourselves in God's word, we will be brought out of darkness. God cannot lie ("That by two immutable (unchanging) things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us..." - Hebrews 6:18) and His word will never change ("So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." - Isaiah 55:11) so if He says he cannot lie and He will set us free, we will be freed ("Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, whosoever commiteth sin is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son (Jesus) abideth ever. If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." - John 8:34-36).

You can give Jesus the key to the door which temptation knocks at. It isn't easy, you have to resist, you have to walk away from the door because you can take the key back from Jesus at any time. He does not control us, and He gives us free will. It is so easy to fall into temptation's trap, and it will not be overcome immediately. But we are more than overcomers when we rest in Jesus' love and give Him the key ("Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." - Romans 8:37).

That voice again. Can you hear it? Just behind you, in your right ear. You feel your stomach clench, and your heart begin to pound. Your fingers quiver.

You have a choice.

Will you allow Jesus to take over, to help you overcome your temptation, will you give Him the key?

Or will you unlock the door, just one more time?

Serving Sticks and Splinters

"Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen." - 1 John 5:21

When you read the first part of chapter 5 in this epistle, you will see that Jesus is being lifted up over and over again. He is being exalted and praised for His love and sacrifice. After this the triune nature of God is touched on, and then finally it talks about God's perfection and our imperfection, and how He gave us the chance to know Him for eternity. At the end of this chapter there is a single statement, no expansion, no explanation and no further instruction. John simply writes: Keep yourselves from idols.

While some may read this as an afterthought, I believe it is intrinsically connected to the entire letter that John wrote. In chapter 1 it says: "If we say we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth." (1:6) Here darkness is the idol. Darkness refers to going through life living as everyone else does, and not making an effort to remain pure and holy in Jesus Christ. If we cannot sacrifice the "pleasures" of life for God, it is an idol. Chapter 2 expands on this and specifically highlights three areas of idolatry - "The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life..." (2:16) These statements are succinct and powerful. When we live to serve our flesh in gluttony, laziness and immorality; when we feed on unclean images, covet what is not ours, and live to "perfect" our appearance; when we boast in our money and power and earthly possessions and feel that we are better than others - These are all forms of idolatry and it cripples us. We live in darkness, separated from God because "God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all." (1:5) 

As we read through chapters 3, 4 and 5, there is a plea for us to see God's perfect nature, His righteousness and His love. The very fact that God died for us, "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us..." (3:16), should be so mind-blowing, so amazing, that we only want to serve Him...Him alone. In His death on the cross, He still sustained all life. He held together the very cross that He hung on. "He hath made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21) How incredible is that? Jesus became sin for us, so that we can live in His freedom. How overwhelming that God Himself would do that for us, sinful human beings.

Yet like dogs, we return to our vomit and foolishly serve the things of this world.  (see Proverbs 26:11)

The fact is we are imperfect human beings, but God is transforming us to be like Him. "Beloved, now we are the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is." (1 John 3:2)

"The idols of the heathen are silver and gold, the work of men's hands. They have mouths, but they speak not; eyes have they, but they see not; they have ears, but they hear not; neither is there any breath in their mouths. They that make them are like unto them: so is every one that trusteth in them." - Psalms 135:15-18

When we turn our focus away from God and to the things of the earth and temporary pleasure, we become as dead as the things we serve. No voice, no sight, no sound and no breath. We become choked, suffocated and blindly live in sin and faithlessness. It is time we put down our idols and reach out to Christ, the Living God who brings life abundantly (see John 10:10), who sustains the very fabric of the earth. Without God, the True Light, we are lost and alone in darkness. Without God, who is Love, we are cold and lifeless with no hope. Please, hear my cry to turn away from that which profits not, turn away from a life tainted by the things of this world, turn away and become set apart. Seek God above all things that you might have life. No longer serve sticks and splinters, but serve the One who breathed life into your nostrils, who knows you inside and out, who knit you together in your mother's womb (see Psalms 139).

"And now, little children, abide in Him; that, when He shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before Him at His coming." (1 John 2:28)

Moments

"Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling." - Psalms 116:7, 8

Lately I have been tired. I wake up in the mornings and go through the motions of the day. Something feels empty about it all though, something is missing.

So this morning I went down on my knees and prayed. I asked God to show me that it was that was missing. It is not often that I get an answer immediately from God, but this time it came so clearly. This is what is missing, those quiet moments when I simply rest in His presence. I had put this aside while I focused on entertainment and socialising. Because of this I became empty.

Personal time with Jesus is the most important thing in a world filled with colour and distraction. It is so easy to permeate the senses with the images that rush past every day, the endless hours watching television or surfing the internet, going out with friends. With all this going on, we suddenly lose focus and Jesus becomes the back up plan.

There was a time when the first thing I did every morning was rest in Jesus, to speak with Him, to study His Word. Those moments were the most beautiful time of day. They gave me energy and peace, and my relationship with Him grew. Today God reminded me of that, and He is urging me to return to Him.

We all go through seasons when we lose focus, when we slip and fall. It is at these times that we need to remember that Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and He gives us peace when we trust Him and spend time with Him. I urge you to seek after Christ, to rest in His presence. He enjoys these moments as much as we do, because He is truly closer than a brother. This Journey through life is incredible when we rest in the gentle love of Christ and the beauty of His presence.